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I'm kinda sorta a few days late on my birthday writing.  Partly because weekends kick my ass at work and I don't have a lot of free my mind time and partly because I had to get my head wrapped around it.  Not really sure how I feel.  A big deal was made about my birthday by my Velcro and friends that I've only known for a handful of months that most likely do not know my last name.  Of the two that were there from the start...one is dead and the other, I'm beginning to come to grips, doesn't care for me so much.  At least not as a person...as an idea I'm holding onto hope that she does.  I hate that...I hate that I've filtered myself so much for so many years trying to not disappoint or upset for being so ragingly different.  Only to still not be liked.  I prefer if you're not going to like me that I give you a big fucking reason for why not.  For the longest time I just felt rebellious but now I know that its just who I am and I've grown into it quite well.  I've been told more times than I can count "That's not the way you were raised".  I didn't get a call on my birthday from her...
I feel amazingly grateful for the people who are in my life by chance or more likely fate.  They are the ones that make me feel important and special.

I made a random observation the other day to Velcro and once again my unaverage girl knowledge surprised him.  None was the answer when we tried to figure out how many chicks would have known what I was talking about.  Then he says to me "You are one of none".  And I like being that girl.
I realized this morning how much more I like early mornings and prefer the sunrise and clean cool air and birds singing vs late nights drinking to the desperation samba being danced in smokey confines.  I am aged out...and I am happy about that.