Tuesday, August 30, 2011

How It Began

Decided against sharing our story... 
I didn't expect him to walk into my life...and it was more than chance that brought us together.  I didn't just come away with a good story and a lover....I came away with the love of my life and my best friend. I never want to imagine a day without him.  Life has a way of working itself out if you just give it time and a chance.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Today's The First Day of The Rest of My Life...

...And I'm alive and well.  (kenny chesney/dave matthews)  That song has been on repeat in my head lately.  This past week has been, for lack of a more descriptive and accurate adjective, tough.  Every thing in the world happens for a reason and in it's own time and this week was no exception.  It's weird how what you need to see finds its way into your path.  I always write down or drunk scribble (depending on my state of sobriety)things as I come across them because I do not retain well and  I tend to do more of drunk version. Somehow this week I've wound up with a couple pages.  Only sharing the relevant.

-The easiest thing in the world to be is you.  The hardest thing is to be what other people want you to be.

-No matter where you are in life right now.  No matter who you are.  No matter how old you are.  It is never too later to be who you are meant to be. (jerry & ester hicks)

I rented the movie The Beaver Tuesday night.  As much as I was predisposed to hate this fucking movie...it stole my story...a stuffed beaver taking on role as the voice of the alter ego, I couldn't.  I own that crazy, it's been mine for years now.  I did check the credits to be sure my ex husbands name wasn't on the screenplay, I would have probably come unglued and would currently be trying to dispose of a body instead of typing this.   It was actually very good and maybe gave me a little too much insight into myself. (Thats a blog for another day).  Who would have thought I would have spent half the movie pausing and rewinding to get it on paper. 

- Starting over isn't crazy. Crazy is being miserable.  Crazy is pretending to be happy. Crazy is pretending that the way things are is the way they have to be the rest of your life

-There's someone who is with you...willing to pick you up...dust you off...kiss you...forgive you...put up with you..wait for you...carry you...love you.

Several weeks ago I was surprised by one of my usual suspect buddies when he asked me "Do you know what happiness is?"  I'm not a quick answer when posed with a thinking question...I told him I would put some thought to it before I answered.  To which he responded "Having something to look forward to".  So simple...and so absolutely true. 

-What seems strange becomes common. What seemed impossible becomes real. 

I really didn't know which way my life, our lives, were going a week ago. I have something to look forward to. Life isn't ever going to be predictable. But I know that the hand that I'm holding is the one that I'm going to walk thru it with. 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Still Here

Not a lot to talk about right now.  Events of the week have been an emotional earthquake and have shaken me to the core.  Realization about myself...where I am and what's important to me have consumed my every thought.  I'm getting a face full of  practice what you preach...If there's nothing you can do about it, you have to let it go and only worry about what you have control over.  Which at this point is not so much...dog check marks...feeding myself...occupying my time...and maintaining control of my mind.  Earlier in the week that was impossible but I stopped and actually managed to breathe in...have bitch slapped my mind  and wrestled control of the wheel again. I think love is real when you are scared to death at how vulnerable you are but the thought of grabbing up your toys and running off the playground never crosses your mind.  I was asked if I had my running shoes on...and for the very first time in my life my answer was no.