Whatcha see is whatcha get

Why is this such a hard concept?? I've been told, on more than one occasion, that one thought there could not be any less grey in a person until they met me. I take this as a HUGE compliment. I'm as transparent as they get. And I find it very hard to swallow that there are manipulative people in the world and to what great lengths they will go to come out on top. ANNOUNCEMENT - I don't give a damn about top. There is no top. There is only contentment with oneself and where you are. Period.

I suppose its called taking the high road...I did it with Mr X and even though looking at it on paper it doesn't look like I won... I did. I'm also choosing this same path with my most recent encounter with a F-ED SLAM DAMN UP person that I use to have to work in close proximity with. Whatever chubby it gave her to tell complete lies about me I will never understand. And I know that with trying to understand I only allow myself to be a victim. A million people can push against you, but until you push back there is no resistance. It's not that I'm playing that "turn the other cheek" shit that was pumped into my head as a kid...I just know that Me staying on even keel is sooo much more important than playing into the game of life.

To be honest, I have no idea what tomorrow holds....or the next...or next year or forever from now. The only thing that truly matters is how I feel...about how I treat people...about how I react when people are shitty...and about Me. I may be a bit non-conformist and rowdy and in your face...but what you see....

My earthy side

Ok, so I was mistaken about growing a water tower....and apparently I was too clever for even the smart ones in the crowd and no one got that anyhow. Water tower...peach....like Gaffney. See how things just completely loose their legs when you have to explain them?? Back to my point...it was just a big cool mushroom. And yes, I am the only person you know who would take a bite of the yard art! I ROCK. It wasn't bad...kinda raw portabello-ish.....and it packs a pretty decent buzz. (How many reprimands do I think I'm gonna get over this one.) Now, if I could only figure out how to grow enough mushrooms to substitute my rum intake I might be on to something.

I am possibly the weirdest person I know

I am seriously concerned about self entertainment after today...I started having some of those crazy ass thoughts while mowing. (I even broke down and did the really slow walk so I could use the mulchy thingy and not the side shooty thingy). Of course when I just mentioned this to Nan she said "like crazy thoughts of running over people with a mower?" Possibly I am more sane than people think I am... I'm thinking I could cut like crop circles in my grass or something...I'd have to figure out how to get on top of the house to take pictures of it though and that in itself seems like reason enough to try a different avenue for my creativity.

Today I did do something very out of the norm and have decided it was worthy of keeping on board....I rode the bike to the gym. It was my first real road riding and no one infringed on my space so I'm feeling pretty good about. I've always felt that I would come to my demise via a soccer mom and her Town & Country.

I've also figured out that the reason behind my average thought retention of 2.5 seconds is not attributed to by my mind being multi tasked and over worked. I've still been scribbling flying non-sequeters down all day in order to share all that is this rambling web of randomness in my head.

Ok...finally getting around to bringing you to date on some major happenings that you've missed over the course of the last month or so. I have a farming chipmunk....I use have loosely....and I use farming loosely too. He has taken up residence up underneath the down spout thingy or somewhere. If I could actually see him after he decides to bolt I could give more accurate chipmunk stats but he's one fast little f-er. Anyhow all these plants started popping up like everywhere...so I let them grow and apparently Mr Chipmunk did not think that I was putting enough sunflower seeds out to get him through the winter so he decided to take things upon himself and farm. I think he saw something on HGTV about an Indian Summer and late harvests were the ticket or something.

My chipmunk ROCKS. (side note...haven't seen him lately...he might not have read on the package the germination time and gave up early and moved to key west)

Subject change - Roger has a new beach baby...got this for him last time I was down. 3 bucks and he digs the crap out of it. (my dog is as thrifty as me) The only down side of it is when I walked in on Mr Man and he was choking it. (its only funny if I don't have to explain it)

I also contemplated, this afternoon while being my own cabana lawn boy, letting my armpit hair grow out all Oregon lebanese-ish...like seriously how long would it get?...would it just get to a point and go stagnant or would it crest my elbow after a few months?? And if thats not enough I was getting out of the shower signing some crazy song to the cat...it wasn't the meow mix song like the cat sings on the commercial but it was really close. The dog is laying on the bath mat and looks up at me like "bitch you have lost your mind"... the same "oh so intelligent" dog then sniffs the cats ass as she strolls by to get a closer seat for the seranade. I'm now getting the crazy eye from a butt sniffer... You see my concern with the coming days. I can only scoop the cat pan so many times. For now I'm going to stick with growing my own water tower. I told you that you've miss some big shit.

Dude...wtf is this??

Me = Another Statistic of the economy being in the shitter

Well here's your formal announcement that I am on the market to the highest bidder. I am seeking the title of Professional Personal Opinion Offerer. My job duties would be to give you my opinion / outlook / rant or otherwise unsolicited take on any or all situations as I choose fit. Not that I would do any of the above upon request, it would be more as I see the need. I would like a full time salary as opposed to pay per rant....that may feel like too much pressure. Or more likely you would go expediently over budget. Possibly a bonus plan if you in fact found any of my Opinions to be beneficial above the expected entertainment factor or if they lead to any surprising financial gain.

As a side note, I also have a partner that would be willing to weigh in on any big issues. There will be an outside consulting fee for any Beaver participation. Currently he is unavailable. Like me he has fallen victim to things outside of his control. His, unlike mine, won't affect whether we can afford organic milk or not. Hibernation...domesticated style.

The good news for you employed types...there will be a lot more of this blogging for therapy going on to keep you entertained and informed throughout the drudgery of your earning a paycheck (and funding the states unemployment budget) days. At least now you will be getting something for your money... You know me....always the one to see the silver lining.