Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Felon The Whore & new character enters scene

So I missed my birthday post yesterday. Mainly because I had planned an awesome post about skydiving and turning 36 @ 120 mph, but it wound up being cancelled due to low cloud cover. True to form, I had no back up plan and layed around all day nursing a sore throat and a semi-hangover (Nothing to do with each other - Note to self - build drinking muscle back up before Key West trip).

Last weekend Nanner brought the new man down for intro and inspection. There has been much, much debate about how to spell the name I gave him. (Of which I am just glad he didn't rip my tail off for calling him.) He didn't want any weird gay french spelling and try as we might we couldn't work cajun in without looking french so Boodrow (redneck as it looks, does not look gay) was agreed upon. So anyhow, Boodrow made it through the introductions and hellos and promptly rips Cow's ass off. I guess he wanted to go ahead and let us know up front what we were dealing with and that he was not to be f-ed with....kinda like in prison. As I held poor mangled Cow Rogo dog looks up and me with the look of "Dude...that guys is bad ass". Cow will recover with a few plastic surgery stitches but we all got his point...maniac.

Roger cradling poor injured Cow.

A close up of the carnage.

I think the most excitement came the next morning when she realized that he had not ran out of the house in the middle of the night....even after Beaver came out and went over the house rules. (I blocked his car in...limiting his fleeing options). Boodrow is officially approved of by all us crazies. Pretty much because he says "WDF...wet deck furniture" His forewarning to us about the possible butt wettedness on the deck. I can like a person looking out for my butt comfort (lets not talk about Cow right now).

Random - Is mosquito sex good? And exactly how long does it last? I lost interest and wandered off (for those who know me...know that doesn't take much) I figured it was just better to ask the question as to sit and watch it...seemed intrusive.

In other news - Mr Man's X has finally ventured onto the dating field. This in itself is AWESOME news. I hope it means that she's letting go of bad feelings and moving on to a happier place. Like maybe she'll possibly not call me a whore more than twice in a sentence now. Dude that she went out with is an acquaintance and cool guy. I ran into him recently and birthdays came up (I tell everyone hoping to get a present or at least a drink). Something he said didn't add up right to the age he had earlier claimed and I asked again. With no more provocation the WHOLE story came out. Without details I will only say felony was mentioned.

I've decided to let Beaver and all of his infinite wisdom have a chance to speak at the end of all of my know, he can get by with saying so much more than I can...Beaver's quote for today "Felon trumps Whore any day".

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

What have I been up to you ask??

Yes, I am still alive and kicking. Kicking shit around a rental house (literally). So back in mid March after many many attempts of getting in touch with my renters (it seems every time you are late with your Cricket phone payment they just give you a new number...convenient.) Mr Man did a 3 1/2 hour drive by to see what was up. It was no huge surprise that they had moved out without bothering to tell me. (Can you say NO DEPOSIT FOR YOU!...I feel like the soup Nazi) So, no panicking, I took 3 days off of work and we went to do some cleaning and painting. I knew they let their less than potty trained dog stay in the house during the super cold part of winter but had already sent the registered "get the dog the fuck out of the house" letter and it seemed to work ok. Um...well...NO. My best guess is that they moved because it stunk so bad they couldn't breathe in there. No shit. Well actually...I had to bust out the scrapper blade on said shit in at least 3 rooms. And here's a question for you average americans...if you say drop gum on your bedroom floor, what would you do? Nope...wrong answer...apparently you step on it and pretend you have a fucking sidewalk in your bedroom. Dude. We made it to day 2 of cleaning before we had our first was me. I was in one of the bedroom closets and had to remoisten a petrified terd and scrape it...then it came....GGGAACCCK....GGGAACCKK. I made a formal announcement that we had our first gag. It seems my gag reflex is closely associated with the visual aspect of gross ass. Mr Man on the other hand apparently is more of a smell then gagger....which happened about 15 minutes later when something he ran into behind the stove made him almost call RALPH for a ride in the BBUUICK. The good news, if you can call it that, is that the bathroom was so OMFG nasty that we didn't even attempt to clean it. Its being gutted and replaced....someone would have yaked in there for sure...and it just wasn't worth the trip to the health department or the explanation to my doctor of how I managed to contract what ever funk ass disease that was lurking in there. Again I say...Dude. Trust me...the pictures do not do it justice. And I seriously think the dog pound might smell better.
I should have taken one after I took the drawers out of the refrigerator...I had to sweep it out before I could clean it...which required the scraper (most used tool of the week). Please bear in mind that this fridge is about a year old...I bought them a brand new one instead of a crappy used one...we'll call that one hind sight. And here's the scene from behind the hell do you manage to get that much shit behind a refrigerator???

So needless to say, I decided this was not a do it yourselfer...I hired a dude to do it all...he "has a guy" that can do all that he can't. So far it looks like I am into this for about 6-7 grand. (You have to factor in the long term cost of living with whatever disease I could have contracted and I'm pretty sure paying dudro is still coming out ahead.) And another needless to say...I will going about the renting game with a new Super Bitch strategy.

ps. Keeping my normal zen like even keel outlook has proven to be a bit tough. Of late, I have used a little more of the sailor talk than normal.

pss. New awesome remodel pictures to come.