Saturday, July 31, 2010


I'm a bit random and all over the place with this, but that's how the thoughts came to me.  There were already ideas and notes written then I saw, of all things to inspire me, a church marquee.  I think I still pay attention to them because of all the years of watching my dad try to come up with clever shit to put on them.  Most make me want to vomit in my mouth.  But this one said "What would you do if this was your last day on earth?"  When it comes down to it, all the basic necessities you need can fit in that top dresser drawer of the beat up donated Hospice furniture.  Here's my top drawer list of all that I need to be happy, in no particular order.

Laughing, the ocean, clams and rum. 
Music, time by water doing nothing but thinkin'.
Stars and the moon on the water.
Being the only person on earth who knows where you are.
Peach vodka and cherry rum.
Wet dog nose.
Lying on your back in a tidal pool watching clouds.

Outside of the clams and liquor, none of them cost a thing, come with any obligation or depend on anyone else. 
So it says the age old song, we are gone before we recognize that we are there.  Night turns into morning, and there without a warning is another day.  Another day to dream...another day less young.  (Lyrics from the Big White Undies)  I don't know that I've always been this way but I'm tapped into being in the moment right now. 
In the big picture it takes very little to make me happy and for that I feel pretty fortunate. At the end of that last day on earth, I think the best you can hope for is to be able to say "Absolutely nothing different".

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Rebel Child and A Preacher's Daughter

Change...What everyone given a long enough time line will inevitably want from me.  It's also in all likelihood what I will never do.  How I am or you are in essence is all that we have.  I own it.  I own me.  I have always been exactly what you see.  I have no agenda, its all right there on the surface.  I am black & white.  I am middle of the road even keel.  I am fiercely independent and hard headed.  I am a socialized hermit...a zen white peaceful calm in the middle of most any storm.  I say what I think, but not all that I think and the things I say are thought out.  I exist in my head and feelings are about the last thing I'll find necessary to tell.  I think actions speak loudest and in general talk is cheap. I don't argue and push my point or beliefs on others.  I will give you plenty of rope, if you choose to hang yourself with it then that's your choice. I like to drink alone.  Alone time, written words and music calm me and connect me.  When I get off center I can not realign around people. 

The things that attract people the most in the beginning are also the same things that they tire of eventually.  I am painfully aware of this...I warn in advance.  I still rebel against the basics of society.  When backed into a corner I cat up...even if I was curled up sleeping contently in that corner.  I'm one stubborn block of a skinny white girl and there really is no changing me.