Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Crazy Crazy Everywhere

I don't know if there is a heavy concentration of crazy around the coast or maybe it's everywhere and I've managed to shelter myself, but we have a serious issue with the crazies running rabid here. I've adapted a new way of communicating with said crazies. I do something similar to a bobble head nod...divert eye contact and just wander away. They don't seem to notice that I've pulled an exit stage left on them. Or possibly they think I'm the crazy head bobbing wanderer....who knows. Let me give you a couple of examples. One dude told me about a pet tarantula he had with a sense of humor. Charlotte (which is about the least crazy part of the story) would crawl up and sprawl across his face when he was sleeping. Now I know to an outsider this is closely akin to my talking Beaver doing movie reviews, but trust me it ain't even close. He's also heard from several sources that there are giant tree spiders in Florida (like 2ft in diameter) and he wants one. It seems his childhood was scarred by the learning that giant spiders didn't exist....bobble...walk away.

And we have the 2 hour a day bottle juggling, Tom Cruise dreaming, $150 van purchasing dude that's considering jacking someone elses tags because the $30 it would cost him seems a bit elusive. Bear in mind "I worked 65 hours at my other job last week". All I can figure is all of that bottle slinging on the couch that he probably doesn't own, must be one sporty ass habit to support...bobble...walk away.

Standing at the end of the bar getting food to go I spotted him...not Jesus...Elvis. Apparently he works for one of those singing dancing tourist traps down here...hopefully. The one thing I can't get my arms around is why all the impersonators have to have the I'm fat as hell and about to go take the death poopie Elvis look?? Where are all the young good looking hip thrusting ones?? Not getting pasta to go @ 4:30 I can tell you that. I almost asked for a picture but thought better of it. Although it would have been a great blog post it would have no doubt involved the bobble.

Lastly but considered most entertaining in my book, Nanner called and told me about the Baptist church marque she'd seen on the way home the night before. It said "If Jesus comes tomorrow will you be ready?" Her first thought "Hell, why not, I'm just going to be on the couch...the calendar is pretty open these days".

Elvis is here, Jesus is coming and I'm rocking the high end of the totem pole.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Coastal Confessions

As I drove over the bridge to the island today I realized just how close I am to the big pond now and I had to this what escaping feels like? I've always had run in my blood, and I've always wanted to step out of "life" as we know it, run away from everything and just get a bar tending gig somewhere on an island. This has been the dream since I was 20 years old and made my first trip to Bimini. The Kenny Chesney song Sherry's Living in Paradise comes to mind, every time I ever heard it, I just wished I could pull something like that off. Sherry's living in paradise, slinging drinks at a bar down by the beach, she's happy now it seems...Chasing something or running from something...had alot of lovers that were good for nothing. To me it sounds a lot better with my name in it.
This is the life that my Daddy lived for but never got to live. He always wanted to have a bike at the beach. The father's day before he died I bought him a huge tricycle...I was a year too late...he couldn't figure out how to get on it and when he did you had to run beside him and steer it for him. It seems easy enough in hind sight as most things do...I'm sure I'll never understand why he never just bought one. Sunday afternoon it was crazy warm for February and Mr Man and me put on shorts and rode our bikes. Then we sat on the deck in the sun and ate turkey burgers. You can see the waterway from right there in the chair and I've already declared it as my new favorite summer spot. So far as that dream I've alway had, I'd have to say I'm working on mission accomplished.