Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Lost a Few Months There..

So, if you have been wondering where Eddie Murphy has been...I found him.  In the Turks & Caicos.  Bartending...and faking an accent.  And sporting a top notch Tom Selleck porn star mustache...but on a black man.  It kinda reminded me of the whole "Coming to America" thing without the afro sheen and Arsenio Hall.  Actually, we had several celebrity sightings...Kevin Costner, the dude from Rascal Flatts, Kenny Chesney.  Or more likely just too many drinks from Eddie Murphy coupled with some near sightedness...a gay looking dude with bleached spikey hair and some looser with a shell necklace on...and Kevin Costner.  This place was amazingly beautiful, to the point that no picture I took could quite capture it.  I'd never been somewhere like that.  The real beauty was that about 80% of the people at the resort spoke french.  You couldn't over hear every stupid word out of their mouth like the average day on the beach here and there was no interaction required. Love it.  There was only one day that we lost the cold war with the frozen white russians.  The best we can piece together is that around 4:30 we staggered back to the room, showered (we only know because we woke up clean) and passed out. Oh, and I meant 4:30pm...we woke up in time for dinner. That somehow reminds me of the most memorable exclamation of the week. "WATCH MY NUTS!!!"  I'm not sure if it happened on that same day but there was drinking involved.  One must understand my fascination/curiosity with nuts to fully appreciate the Velcro COMPLETELY freaking out when he thought I was getting too close to the jewels. I am fully aware of where they are and that one must give wide berth to the nuttal zip code.  I have mentioned many times that if mine were visible they would be much like goat nuts...no one believes me.  Anyway that brought on a whole 'nother conversation about wienies being attached to the backbone via wienie tendon or which the Velcro was unaware.  I had to confer with Coon Dick after vacation...his response to follow at a later date.  But suffice to say I was correct.
What I have realized is that through the power of the internet the world is wide open for kids (20 some year olds) to move anywhere in the world they can imagine and live for free and work fun jobs in paradise.  There's a pretty big part of me that's pissed off that I was born too many years too early for the technology of filling out an online application and moving to the islands.  For as long back as I can remember all I've wanted to do is run away to the islands.  Alot of these kids where from Cananda, some from Maylasia, a chick my age from Colorado.  It makes me want to grab every 22 year old in sight and shake them violently.  There's no need for this whole marriage and procreation bullshit...get out there and LIVE, travel and see all the beautiful stuff before you get so jaded that you don't recognize amazing.  All that breeding and family stuff will be there waiting for you one day...you've got time.

I know where October ran away from me with bike week and islands and Zac Brown weekends....but I really can't speak for September. I've got to get back on top of the whole documentation thing because without being able to reread what I've been doing  I tend to loose some stuff.   On the subject of Zac Brown...we got tickets to the whole weekend of the South Ground Music Festival this year.  Saturday was a bit overwhelming with the amount of people there to contend with. (Note, I just mentioned how having a pile of non-English speaking people around to not intermingle with is relaxing to me and we had only been home for about 2 days.) The madness however was worth it when Darius Rucker walked out on stage and sang Wagon Wheel...to me.  I can't remember how long ago that Wagon Wheel became my "request" song when it came to bar music.  It surprises you the people who know it and give you a kick ass version. The Nanner actually briefly dated one that would play it for me (very briefly).  We called him Wagon Wheel...I'm sure I never actually knew his name...turns out it was one of the more polite names we ever gave any of the men folks. I've also had a Darius/Hooty hangup every since I was in Gainesville one weekend back when I was in my early 20's and they were playing the college circuit. I missed them because some guys that were on the dive trip with me needed some vagasil and wouldn't stand in line to see band with a funky name.  It was only a matter of months later that Cracked Rearview came out and they were a hit.  To make it up to me the next time the same bar had a funky named band and a line they all clammed up and stood in it.  It was the Big White Undies...they never made it but I have their cd to this day. (You have no idea how amazing that is considering the number of times I've moved and the amount of shit I've lost.)  So you can see how this random combination made me all giddy.

Thought I would give you a little visual reference to the trip...sorry none from the Zac Hooty thing...didn't take my phone in, but still managed to loose it and proceed to freaking the F out because I'd lost all my vacation pictures.  This one is from the Sharky's beach bar.
This was the local beer...found a dive within walking distance called Jimmy's Dive Bar.  We quickly realized that our damage needed to be done to the tune of all inclusive.  Just for point of reference we found an IGA and the Michelob Ultra was $16 a six pack.  It may be the only way that I could every imagine sobriety. 
Yes, this is really what the water looks like.  There was a tropical storm off shore a few days and we saw a full grown man standing ankle deep when a wave crashed over his head and put him face first.  It was great.  Then we went back to the pool.
Me in a tree.  If you know me then there are really no no questions to ask.

And just in case you want to know what happy looks like....yep, that's it.