Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Not that I'm politically minded at all. And not that I know the complete story or the "big picture" but I just got off the phone with Nanner, my partner in crime or more be it lately, the sisterhood of the traveling unemployed goodwill pants. (We recently went out and realized that both of us were dressed in sweaters from the Goodwill store...sad but true.) And I am on a tear. It seems that part of the economic stimulus package includes 335 million dollars for STD teenage education and prevention. Um, ok...I'm confused... Please please someone tell me what itchy dick has to do with the f-ing economy?? Pass out some goddamn condoms and tell them to have at it....that's what they're going to do anyhow. I'm pretty sure the government could get the mongo packs from Costco for less that 335 million f-ing dollars! Not to mention the parents should have all the time in the world to talk about safe sex being that none of them have a damn job. If you get itchy dick go to the health department. I have ABSOLUTELY no room for this right now. And apparently there is a need for a 120 million dollar sod and general renovation needed for the "mall" since the grass got trampled on by a gazillion sonabitches last week. God knows we need the grass to look nice for all the homeless people to sleep on. I just think that we have more to worry about than fishy twat...there are in fact bigger fish to fry at the present.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Friday Night...HGTV muted

#1 - First and foremost...I start my first bartending gig on Monday!!! HOOTY HOO for me! I'm quite stoked. It's working 3 nights a week (which translates into - 3 nights a week I'm going to be sober) at a hotel bar but everything starts with baby steps...I'm just happy to be baby stepping on a new path...not to mention it's smoke free. Score me.

#2 - I downloaded pictures from the camera and realized all the shit I forgot to tell you about. We went to the boat show in Ft. Lauderdale the last of Oct / first of Nov. We didn't rent a car because you could walk a couple of blocks and take the ferry or a bus to any of the boat show sites. We were hoofing it across this big ass bridge when the horn blew and a little pedestrian railroad arm came down (idiot protection...which I completely disagree with...if a vertical f-ing wall of concrete and steel doesn't deter you I'm just thinking the human race might be stronger without ya) I was probably more entertained by it than I should have been...I even made Mr Man pose in front of it but he's made me swear no testosterone pics on the blog you just get the bridge....I was such a tourist.
Then we see this from the bridge....If I were a betting chick I would probably say these folks are not surviving off of unemployment like some of us are now...WTF is all I have to say. In case you can't make out the picture the first boat has 2 helicopters a couple of jet skis and a pool on the third deck. The next over has a Hummer, Mini Cooper, 2 jet skis, 3 motorcycles, a four wheeler and what looks to be about a 30 ft w/ 2 engines inside of it. (It doesn't show up in the picture but one of these f-ers has a blimp in the cargo garage. Again I
We did find this which seemed to be much more functional for our kind...
#3 - Finally something was done with the gazillion crab legs that we had frozen from the summers crab season. We funked up my house and picked crab meat for no less than like 3 hours or so....Picture 1 is a shot of the pre-picked crab legs...we had maybe 5 pots of them (really I don't just seemed like the crab legs where doing rabbit mating and it was killin' me). Picture 2 is of the entire amount of crab meat we wound up getting out of them. Now you must remember...this was two very efficient adults and this is all there was. Not our fault. It did make some quite kick ass crab soup. I bought some she crab and condensed milk and added our hours of labor crab. It was worth it but I doubt you'll catch us doing it again.

#4 -Itchy and Roger. It was a foggy morning and the Man and myself were taking Rogo dog to the beach to run wild when we passed what looked like a puppy on a rock pile in a construction area...we turned around to go rescue it and found Itchy the fox. Nothing we did seem to distract him from his apparent crab contraction from a Saturday night out cattin'. I am such a pansy ass when it comes to animals and felt sooo bad for this little dude but he made a great picture.

Mr Dog was not much in a running mood this day...he was still nursing a sprained paw (a stuffed cow incident gone awry) but he did look pretty handsome in his own dog way.

He wanted me to point out his nicely tucked abs....

#5 - Lastly I will leave you with my current box office recommendation. Nanner, Mr Man and myself went to see Gran Torino last night. It was awesome. All I have to say is there are some one liners worthy of adding to any daily vocabulary.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Stone-terd-henge & 2008 Reflection

The big news from a couple weeks dog pooped Stonehenge! I walked him and was waiting for him to finish is dog bidness when I noticed him sniffing something. It was his terd standing straight up on end!! Like a BIG ONE. I took off running for the house yelling for Mr Man to get me the camera...then went running back to the field of said terd on end. Mr Man of course joined me since judging from my excitement it was something to behold. (note - he did not run like I did...matter of fact he didn't even walk fast but he did come to see it.) So I looked and looked and looked terd statue. Then I found it...gravity had apparently won. I spun around and said "Stand it back up for me so I can get a picture!" I don't recall exactly but I think the response was something like "have you lost you f-ing mind". So no photo me I would have posted it.

2008 Review
A whole lot happens in a trip around the sun doesn't it? I've said it before but it worthies itself repeated. On paper 2008 looks a little rough. Having lived through the everydays of it I'd have to stand up and argue differently. I doubt I've ever experienced the amount of change in the same amount of time that the last 366 days have brought. Its not hard to pinpoint the one thing that had the biggest impact on me. And I guess in death's defense I've always teetered on the ledge and have been waiting for some time for something to blame for jumping off the ride. Mr Man and myself have the conversation on occasion that we have stood through more storms in the time we've been together than most people go through possibly ever. It's had a very zen like effect on me. We walked down to the boat landing last week with Roger to feed the seagulls old bread and a little over halfway there it started raining so we turned around...raining doesn't really describe it. It freakin poured...and thundered and I have a freak of a dog when it thunders. We found a porch to hang out on and talked about nothing in particular...then decided to walk on since it was probably not going to stop until May or something. If it wouldn't have been for the dog setting pace we probably wouldn't have even walked fast. This in the past would have shorted me out. There have been so many things that have happened that would rank at least 7.5 or higher on life's Richter scale that nothing really gets a rise out of me anymore. There's something to be said for even keel.
Christmas was wasn't as weepy as I had anticipated...there was a big picture of daddy but it was odd being in their house and him not being there... but we carry on. New Years Eve last year was about as icky as Thanksgiving... Mr X had moved on from stalking to humping legs and bedding down any and all takers. This year was great...I was cuddled up in the bed with Mr Man and thanks to some drunk texter got woken up just in time to watch the ball drop.

I can honestly say I have no regrets this year...but here are some of the things I know now.
-I am not built for sobriety
-If you leave cat food out over night you will really be feeding Rocky the Raccoon
-Sex should not be limited to birthdays, holidays and special occasions
-If you run screaming thru the house that your multi color terd is stuck in the toilet it really doesn't translate well...or get the superhero help that you were hoping for
-The earth doesn't stop spinning or even slow down for anyone
-No matter what - They can't eat you
-The only things you regret in life are the risks you didn't take
-If you have a chance to be happy you grab it with both hands and the hell with the consequences

Maybe next year I'll start acting my age....turn a new leaf over my wicked ways....get a real job and start pulling my weight....only 365 day until I change my ways.