The Summer Solstice Party -
Its a long awaited event...Beaver makes his first blog appearance. Beaver for those of you that don't know is my alter ego. Yes to the unsuspecting eye he appears to be a stuffed animal but he is in fact quite vocal and quite charming. Most everyone close to me have heard the Beav's rants about life, movie reviews or just his plain COMPLETELY unfiltered opinions. He sounds a bit Cartman-ish. I am aware that my need for mental evaluation is going to be out there on the table for all to see. As Nan just told me recently when I told the bartender that I needed beer caps to make Beaver a pointy Madonna bra..."you just peaked his interest or played your crazy as hell card". I was ragingly sober when I made the request btw...and I'm pretty sure that it was the crazy bitch card that he saw.
Anyways, we threw a Summer Solstice party (we being Nan & me...and of course Beaver attended). It wound up getting rained out and a rouge gale force wind knocked Beav off the deck and into the mulch but not before a photo opp.
I would have taken one of him doing the mulch crawl but I heard a shriek and Nan was already in the yard to his rescue before I knew what was going on....he of course cussed us out for not having more safety precautions in place. He insisted that I leave the flames from the tiki torch in the pic...thought it made him look dare devilish. He's kicking it in his little belly shirt. (which Mr Man brought him from a road trip) As you can see...those close to me find him very endearing. Moving on to a more sane story...
Working on a Monday hangover....
So Sunday evenings tend to be gather on the deck & make use of the newly acquired ice bucket nights. (This newly acquired ice bucket was found at the very back of cabinet at the beach...I'm thinking it was a wedding gift of my parents.) Poor ice bucket. Its 40 years old and just now getting to live its dream of attributing to deck drunkenness....its catching on well though.
It all started as uneventful and innocent as any other Sunday...Me and the Nanner (secret spy name) deck, rum, satellite radio, ice bucket, talk of work or idiots or whatever else we need to cover....then it happened. She did a wicked adirondak dismount. I instinctly held my score above my head. Her reply " And a score of 9 from the liberal Cuban judge!" The dog ran...first out of fear of being landed on...then because the bipeds appeared to be close to self implosion. Funny thing about us is that we both snort when we laugh. When the snorting subsided and it was obvious that she had settled back into the plasty adirondak seemingly an abandon of her original plan, I asked - Where the hell were you going?--"Beijing" was the answer. Something to be said for cat like reflexes and wit. It was the beginning of a long night...It was the scene of the first official drunk deck dancing to "sneakin a freakin" and soon after the shadow puppets on the back of my house via tiki torch ...my neighbors love me. When its not something like this Mr Man likes to bark and stir up the dogs in the neighborhood... Now I know everyone tends to think I'm the crazy one. Crazy as in say anything and not give a damn - yes. Crazy as in sneakin a freakin shadow puppet - no. I leave that job to my very unsuspecting PC friend. And yes, she was quite successful at achieving the original goal of Monday hangover.
Mom's 40th Birthday will be the reason for $10k worth of therapy
Friday night I ventured out to karaoke, not that I meant to. I am like the worse date in the world to take to karaoke. I laugh and I can't help it....like loud. A chick from work was in town and we wanted to grab a drink. I in my best hermit attempt to not get more than 3 miles from the house suggested the local shithole unbeknownst to me was the scene of a birthday party/soft porn with my barely teenage kids present redneck loving nastiness. Dear god...its a wonder I ever leave the house. The dude was a Bo Bice impersonator (meaning he had used to look to get laid on at least a couple of occasions or I'll kiss your ass) the chick had a drunken aged out Darryl Hanna look to her. In a different setting...say one where they could stand on their own and weren't trying to perform live sex acts at the table with the entire family present they probably wouldn't have been a bad looking couple...but alas that were not the case. So chicky is in knee length white shorts and at some point gets out there to dance...obviously forgetting why she had been sitting on his lap the whole time. Yep...its my birthday and the chinese man brought me a surprise. Dude. Being a girl I know that its not something terribly challenging to keep up with...and if for some really unfortunate reason you don't do well with the keeping up with it you promptly exit stage left. OH HELL NO...it was her birthday and she was staying. She got gone for a while...I was hoping to god that someone had come up with a Tide to go pen or something but nope...the schmear was developing its own shadow. And she just kept piling up on that dudes lap. I'm sure he was a DNA luminal nightmare before he got home to shout that mess out. Not to mention the odds of him scoring, celebrity look a like or not, were pretty slim. The Nasty Meter was pegged. And the 13 year olds got to witness it all. Picked up the contents of moms purse that spilled out several times. Obviously they didn't have to worry about the embarrassment of chasing a tampon around on the floor.....
Freak of Nature of a Nature Freak?
So check this out. This is either a "its really hot, f my comb" or a political extremist cardinal....freaky. But I dig his individuality. Rock on bad ass state bird.
And the clams....
The only reason this is last is for the sheer sake of chronological order. Mr Man shows up with not just 4 dozen monster clams....but she crab soup, crab cakes and a real live made from scratch Key Lime Pie. The only favorite thing of mine that was missing was pickled eggs but they wouldn't have gone with the pie. I'm easy to excite and jump up and down when I get that way....this made me jump. I don't know where he came from but I'm certainly glad he decided to land on planet Semi Crazy Hermit Girl. I happen to have just enough dock space.
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