Patterns

I've started realizing patterns.  It seems to be that weekends are when I forget the basics.  Like that food is kinda sorta required to live. And it seems that Sunday mornings are when the realization off needing food collides with the questionable grocery supply and odd breakfast choices come into play.  Today it's Tuna Miracle Charlie Brown and tostidos.  My calorie intake has probably surpassed the last two days collectively already and its not even 9:30.

Not sure if every body's mind works like mine and does the same shit to them, but mine is like constant endless rambling chatter.  If you think its hard to be around me sometimes then I would welcome you to a weekend inside my head.  It wears me the. fuck. out.  Most times I can keep it in check and pretty well harnessed then other times it bucks loose and runs rabid like a pent up horny jack russell that darts past you at the back door and terrorizes the neighborhood before you can get it back on a leash.  I think its directly proportionate to the amount of outside interaction I have or don't have.  I spend a lot of time alone so I'm pretty use to listening to the bee hive of thoughts buzzing around in there.  Patterns of me...I have always been the girl that's always ok.  No matter what my toast lands jelly side up if dropped.  There's a self preservation perimeter that I've always set up that's kept people a safe zone distance away...from me.  Let's just say someone on the late shift wasn't watching the screens and one snuck in under the radar.  It's probably the best feeling ever to be wide open honest with no reservations or walls or defenses.  And so completely against my pattern.  I know that you can't depend on someone else to maintain your happiness...that's a weight that no one can tractor pull through life.  The line is so fine between loving someone like crazy and still being independently happy even when schedules don't mesh and all you want is to see that smile that lights your world.  I always have epiphanies while dog walking.  Today's was that I don't have to pull back to establish a safe zone and go into repeat pattern mode.  I just have to change my little chatterbox mind to accept that in the wandering craziness of the inhabitants of this spinning ball...I managed to get lucky enough to cross paths with the one.  And that's all that matters. Crazy happy disease.