March Madness & Randomness

My longest running relationship ever is with one Carletta cat.  She recently came back to live with me after a several month hiatus.  Not sure the dog is so excited about it.  She's in my best recollection about 16 years old.  With a guy it's somewhere sandwiched between my dog and my friend little Gary and I love them both dearly...all though I've never had to clean up yak on the carpet after Gary or I would possibly feel differently.  We met back when I was about 23...we promised to marry each other if neither of us had found anyone by the time I was 40.  I think I'm gonna have to renig on the deal since I am fast approaching and have no real intention of ruining my long running long distance guy friendship.  And not for nothing they say the Mayan calendar ends December 12, 2012.  Which means I won't hit 40.  So I have full intentions of living like a full out son-of-a-bitch for the next year and 9 months-ish.  I personally think the little Chuy look a likes just got tired of writing...at some point you have to throw in the towel and just go get a margarita. When we wake up on December the 13th like any other day then I'll burn that Mayan bridge when I get to it. 

On the Art of Doing Without.  3 weeks plus running with out a microwave.  My mother has offered to let me use hers but I haven't starved and if anything I've become pretty fucking resourceful. There's some kind of strange feeling of accomplishment with making the decision to do without.  Microwave popcorn is still eluding me but snacks I'm not without.  So you know how life in Casa de Single Chicky goes...I stood in the kitchen one night after work eating peanut butter on a spoon (which has become a staple) while holding Roger's peanut butter jar still for him with my foot (yes he has his own jar...partly because he likes creamy and I like crunchy and partly because I double dip the knife when loading his peanut butter dildo)  He loves me...who could blame him.

I put my extra kayak up for sale on Craig's list yesterday.  It was actually my second extra kayak. Yes I bought 2 different ones for 2 different people.  I've spent alot of time in my life trying to get someone (or several someones) to do things with me.  Point well taken to self...if you have to buy something in attempt to get someone (anyone) to go do things with you...you need to quickly and quietly exit stage left. Lesson learned. In life I'm very tired of waiting for someone to catch up so I can go live and enjoy my life.  So this year when I want to learn to surf...I'm going to do it.  When I want to try kite surfing...I'm going to do it.  And when I feel like kayaking...I won't have the extra one making me feel like a looser for not having someone with me.  The years are ticking away a little too fast to suit my adventurous hunger for life. 

Happy to realize of late that I'm considered refreshing...kind of grounding to know that I can have that effect.  Makes me feel calm and it settles me down a bit.  Probably the only thing that I actually worry about is if I have a positive impact on other peoples lives.  It is my intention that the lives of all people I interact with will either be elevated as a result of our interaction , or they will be left where they are, but that no one will be diminished as a result of their association with me. (jerry hicks).  Something I came across years ago and it stuck.  I kinda wish that my remaining parental unit liked me....or at least appreciated me for being individualistic.  Not so much the case and I suppose its up to me to let that go.  Kinda hard to accept I guess. 

Circa Spring 2000.  I stood in front of my newly purchased condo taking pictures of the Bradford pear blooms with my little antique camera.  Its the first time I recall wondering ...what if this is last spring I ever get to experience and the last time I get excited to see daffodils? I've thought that every spring since then. Fast forward 11 years.  Today I was walking Rogo dog and I saw a Bradford Pear in full bloom and it all came full circle.  I'm more comfortable than ever with the acceptance...with the loving every minute and the taking for granted of absolutely nothing.  Living like this is it.  I wonder if my daddy smiled and loved his last spring...I'm not sure he was super aware...as I recall he was wandering around the backyard a lot at that point..actually only aware of the flowers. The awareness to all the other had faded and only the pretty stuff remained....Lucky him.