Why is all shit so hard? I just got off the phone with a new dentist office. First off, I should explain why I'm on the prowl for a new dentist. For sake of not getting myself into a slander law suit we'll let this cat remain nameless. My first trip to see him I schedule because he's the only one that doesn't require xrays for a damn cleaning (but there is no free lunch). At the end of said cleaning he comes in, introduces himself, starts poking around in there, says something about nice teeth. Then he asks if they are real...Um...you're the dentist...shouldn't you know?? He then proceeds to EYEBALL about 5 places that need filling...but "they are small so we won't even need Novocaine". WTF. I did a filling replacement one time without Novocaine. I'm one tough chicky but trust me I used that as a learning experience and ain't gonna do it again. I make a mental post it to find new dentist. Luckily when I check out the computers are down and the tech guy is there trying to remove the porn, so I just say I'll call back for my appointment to fill the zillion cavities sans Novocaine. Fast forward about 9 months cause who are we kidding I don't have dental insurance and every 6 months is just crazy talk. I call around to get an appointment somewhere else only to be beat down by a self overrated receptionist. Apparently the other option dentist won't even make you an appointment unless you agree to the xrays beforehand.
F my life people! I just want my teeth cleaned!! So I'm back to the "are your teeth real guy"...again. Fast forward to today. Trying to set up the appointment somewhere new...yet again. March is the soonest they can work me in. So I book it, explain that I do not have insurance and ask how much money to bring. 275 fucking dollars. Yo, I didn't ask when your car payment was due. All you dentists stop poking me in the ass with your big dental dildo....I SAID I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE!! I don't want anything for free...just some nice lady to scrape the little shit off my teeth. Not to mention if your next available appointment is in F-ing March I think you're already making bank off the insurees and you could cut me a break and skip the goddamn xrays!! I feel better now. Giving up...gonna stick with the"are those real" guy.
Story from the trailerhood. The stoner neighbors (pot smoking ones, not to be confused with the crackhead)have the most annoying dog ever. And you know me...I love, love, love animals but Sparky is wearing me out. We have Sparky, Spot and Shorty...all within a block radius and all apparently with unimaginative parents. Sparky though is gay. Not gay like hey its my preference and I decorate and dress nicely, but like GAY all up in your face. Poor Roger can't even step out the front door, walk or potty in peace. This guy is all over him..trying to hump him and give head. The head portion of the show has my dog WAY confused. He's on the leash, I'm yelling "Just keep walking or bite the fucker!" and he's looking at me like "I know its wrong but it feels good mom" all the while still trying to walk. Which I'm sure is difficult at best...I mean I can only imagine...I've never exactly tried to walk while getting head but I would guess its tough. We finally loose him when Roger finally breaks away to pee, narrowly missing his head...we leave him licking the puddle. Years of therapy ain't gonna help this dog...he's jacked up.
Finally...onto my rockin' culinary skills. Last week, out of sheer necessity, I discovered a new lunch time treat. My creativity flowed mainly because I was down to a pack of ramen noodles, one can of beef-a-roni, tuna and gatorade. This is no exaggeration, trust me. It's not that I'm poor, it's just that I possess the meal planning skills of the average everyday buzzard with ADD or possibly a drug addiction. So I open the tuna, dump it in a bowl with some ranch dressing, shredded cheese and hot sauce. Even with no real groceries I still have a corner market on condiments. Throw it in the microwave and eat it with some tostidos. OMG I AM GENIUS!! It's a Tuna Miracle Charlie Brown!! Needless to say I went to the store for more tuna and have had it 3 more times since then.
Watch out Martha Stewart...I'm hot on your tail chickadee.
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