One year ago today I was witnessing the most horrific process of life, the end. I can still see it as if it happened 10 minutes ago. Mr Man would probably tell me that I've had a pretty good life if the safe confines of Hospice falls at the top of my worst experiences. And he would be right.
I guess I'm most surprised by just how fast this magically suspended ball is spinning and just how much can happen in what seems like no time at all. I would have been hard pressed to believe any of my current life if the future fairy had swooped in and told me. In the same breath, I realize now that I have absolutely no clue about the still just out of sight future either. We think we can plan and know and think things through but there's really no way. Jobs go away...people die before they should...the punches of the universe come when least expected and you either get the shit kicked out of you or you learn to roll. I am a self professed master roller. I just kinda keep in mind the big things I want and just keep taking the next logical steps. (Things I want = Love, happiness and getting by with what I have comfortably...not waiting for "someday" to be content.) What we really truly "need" can be compacted into the top drawer in a worn out nightstand at Hospice when it all comes to an end.
I don't think Daddy did what was the norm. He was 35 when he stepped off the path and went the way that felt best to him. It turned out to be exactly what he was supposed to do and it all fell into place. I guess even in our vast differences in beliefs, at the core we are very similar.
He was random and happy and his mind went a million miles an hour. He would finish a sentence out loud that you hadn't had the privilege of hearing the first part of. His boing-y Tigger like personality made him goofy and refreshing at the same time.
I've looked at life and the real reason we're here more in the last year than most I guess....and I haven't come to any earth shattering conclusions. I think I'll just continue my soul guided wandering at the casual laid back stride of living life in 3/4 time.
No comments:
Post a Comment