Shifting

Last night after 11 long hours with tourists I came home and bounded up the stairs two at a time to get to my bathroom confined puppy...he was feeling better and doing the happy dog dance to see me.  We walked even though it was late and I was dead tired. The weather was perfect...there had been 12 hours since anyone yakked, miss cat was drinking her kitten formula like it was whip cream vodka in a bowl and I cleared my head for the first time in days.  I decided that I have to shift my thinking.  All the things that I am missing so much I'm changing to looking forward to.  When I think about it as missing I can hardly breathe and I feel desperate and scared.  There's something I didn't tell you about the surfboard dumpster dive.  Last week I read The Secret again...kinda by accident.  Velcro isn't a big reader so I went through and dog earred pages and underlined the important stuff.  I'm so glad I did...I needed it.  What we think about and create in our mind is what shows up in our lives...the good and the bad.  On the beach that day there were a couple kids with their dad teaching them to surf.  I sat and watched them get all excited when they got up for the first time...funny the things that can make you happy if you let them.  The next morning I found the surfboard.  It was just a sign to show me I'm on the right path and that anything that you believe is possible... Is. 

I've been paying more attention to people that I wait on...I see the ones that are so happy to be together and never run out of smiles and things to say to each other.  Then I see the ones that haven't been happy in years having long over stayed their welcome. I wonder what they look forward to and if everything they do feels like a strained effort or over compromise.  I refuse to believe that's the way its supposed to be. It's wrong to spend your life that way.  It's all so incredibly short.

Today I have a million thoughts flying around and I feel like an air traffic controller keeping them all pointed towards good and not letting a rouge one spin me out. I have so many questions that I would like to know answers to...I always feel if I know everything I can handle whatever I'm up against.  But with that it almost seems like I admit doubt...and I don't have any. I'm not working through a broken heart.  I'm working through the challenge of believing what I know...that love like this comes around once.  I'm working through holding on and being strong.

Looking forward to hearing the key in the door and early morning coffee and foot lotion.  Looking forward to talking about everything and about nothing.  Looking forward to him having everything in his world that makes him happy and complete.  Looking forward to it including me.