Happy

"Never chase love, affection or attention.  If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.  The simple things in life should be effortless."

Sometimes you just realize something that is right in front of you all along.  I have less time to go than I've already spent in this human suit.  I had a girly doctor visit last week  Same paperwork as every year before.  Of course they make you spend forever filling it out and then they basically sit there and read it back to you.  High tech...pretty sure I could have done this job too if I didn't mind the close proximity to hoo hahs.  "So, any children?" (Even though it is clearly marked, Children 0 - Pregnancies 0) "No."   "Ever?"  As if I may have forgotten about one, on the paperwork and during my interrogation.  "Um...nope."  "Why? Did you never want any?"  I know that I am considered a failure by all female standards.  And that in that very simple 2 letter answer I am judged more harshly than for probably anything else.  Obviously something isn't right...that I'm not wired right and that I will never understand love.  I am the first to admit that I don't know what it's like to love your own child...I never will.  I'm content with that, I don't have a big empty hole of regret.  But I do know what it is to love and to want happy every days.  The world is chocked full of people who have never met me but will be the first in line to tell you what I will do and what to expect out of "my kind".  I guess I really wish that I wasn't so misunderstood .  I like that Velcro sees through me as if I were made of glass. It makes me breathe easier knowing that at least one person sees me for what I am....and likes me for it. 

The good part is the rest of this trip we call life...it's going to be spent living and being happy...not the struggling to figure shit that have marked so many of my years until now. Life continues happening all around you...whether you slow down to live it or drown in a puddle of wishing for something different.  We wind up where we are by fate...the cards in our hand are the only ones we have to play.  There is no pause button...no rewind.  Wrap your arms around the life you have and live it like you want. The world has preconditioned us to think that happy is bad...it's not.

"When the pony, he comes riding by, you better sit your sweet ass on it." Zac Brown