Through It All

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."


My puppy's birthday was this week.  He turned 11.  We made a big deal out of it with new toys and doggie snacks and I sang to him more than once.  It scares me that I know I have less time left than I've already had with him.  I can't even begin to figure out where the last 11 years have gone. Through 8 moves, one husband, death, losing 2 jobs, losing myself, finding myself then finding the guy I love, he's been the only one that's truly been beside me through it all.  I've cried countless tears into his fur and he's never once told.  Sometimes I feel like I've taken it all for granted...Roger...life...time....the idea that none of it will ever run out. Like I should have been paying more attention to the stuff that really mattered.  This past year has made me slow down and really live every minute and I realize that absolutely nothing is a given.  Life changes.  I'm working on taking things differently.  The protective emotional concrete barrier that I'm so used to throwing up has been removed.  I somethings feel sandwiched between extreme relief and vomiting vulnerability. I intend to never take any of it for granted again.  So when Roger feels like swimming in the cold ass ocean on his birthday, then that's what he gets to do... even if he requires I go at least knee deep beside him. 

 Last Sunday was a first. Late breakfast or early brunch was stone crabs on the picnic table. Neither of us had ever eaten them before lunch... working on things we've never done before. We shared a beer and a "first" and a memory that only we have. Going to take on the rest of it all...together.