From just reading it's probably easy to think I'm the strongest most level headed person around. For the most part that's all I ever let people see of me. And I wish that was the case. Maybe I'm better than average but the truth is I struggle too. Every days kick me in the balls just like they do everybody else. Good days and bad days and going half mad days. I cut down a tire and went hard into the wall last night...in public none the less. Awesome. I managed to get away before I got really bad. Mostly I do this on my own time and no one sees it but last night I had to reach for a hand to hold. And he was there. I think I apologized a hundred times. For being weak...for reaching out like a drowning person for something buoyant...just for being that person. I was so freaked out this morning that I'd messed up by letting that side of me show. Sometimes it surprises me just how much I trust him...more than any other person in my whole life. Even with no promises and an uncertain future there is comfort just in his presence...the easiest person to be around ever. It was all I needed...he brushed me off and stood me back up. It's not something I'm going to be making a habit of. I know that I can't stay spun out and that only I have the power to change my mind to "looking forward" to the good stuff. Today is another day and it's started off as a really good one...better than I could have hoped. I have so much to look forward to...Zac Brown concerts...jerk chicken nachos...trips to Florida...key lime pies on a stick...walks on the beach...talking...laughing...smiling...all with him by my side.
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